I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
How's work?
Spinning.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
