I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
