when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
