Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize