I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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