the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
