Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
