The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
