How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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