The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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