There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
