Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
