Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
