Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
