Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
