This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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