I think I am morally bankrupt
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
