i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
