What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
