she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
