We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
my liver is dry heaving
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
