Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
