Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
