I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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