I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
