If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize