I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
