Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
