Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
