I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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