I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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