I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
