Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
