forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
