Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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