last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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