i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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