He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
