i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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