I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
