Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
