i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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