My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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