I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
