he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
