Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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