I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
