Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he fucked my hip out of place.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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