Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
