I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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