woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
