would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
