I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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