just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
