May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
did i just pee glitter
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