Betty ford says i'm here all night
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
