so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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