So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
