After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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