I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
