as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
