yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
